I appreciate having this writing blog and seeing the more intricate thoughts I have on concepts, life, and... writing.
I find it fascinating how one year of concrete study in the English department has changed my life. The fact that I've gotten e-mails from professor that I am a deserving individual and that my ideas are actually worthwhile means something to me. Knowing that people have faith in me and are willing to direct me to the right path has not only improved my intellect but also given me one the best years of my life in regards to education and beyond. I occasionally have my failures in identifying myself against the grain, or in comparing myself at all I tend to fall short. It's easy to let a grade or someone's perceptions nail you down to false truths. In the end, these marks actually don't matter; it's the eyes of those who take me on that translate those marks, so I hope that they come across me with wisdom. Superior grades and grades of failure should neither scar me.
Which I have seen, countless times. I'm known for falling in the cracks or for taking on more of the world than necessary, or in having to face a great deal of tragedy all at once. I often find I'm surrounded by people who have much more spotless grade point averages than me, more sustainable test scores, and even better resources and networks to manage what it is they are going after. I'm often fascinated, blessed, and somewhat challenged by these people. Just when I think I am an awesome outlet for something, I get the hunch that maybe I need to seek out people who are stronger than me so that I can get my perspective straight again. At the same time, if I only seek the geniuses of the world then how much am I subjecting my perspective to a limited view of reality?
I'm concerned a great deal about many of the events that are developing throughout the world. My hope is that by dedicating myself to the arts, I will be able to find wisdom and bring that back in this excited time of events, hysteria, and propaganda. I'm often afraid that if I speak up my voice will be incomprehensible or silenced. Sometimes letting thoughts stay with me is an act of protection or an act of needing to digest what I'm really thinking and really come to an agreement on whether any particular set of thoughts is accurate or just biased, full of fear, and so forth. I am much more naive than I could possibly be aware; there's too much happening in the world and a great deal of it, I probably don't want to be involved in.
Currently, I'm trying to banish the fats of my life that are hindering the bone of my thoughts, the precious organs, and more. I think if I want to be a strong writer who is aware of their own scruples, I should be bold enough to find those truths in my life. I have developed a sick obsession with music and I think now is the time to seek clarity, silence, and perhaps a better playlist or two. As well, I've been fasting which apparently is excellent for the immune system. I hunger for these types of lifestyles. I hate seeing materialism at any level having merit over my life. So if I have to say goodbye to something, than so be it.
I want to apply all of this to my writing by a thousand percent.
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